BACK FROM THE DEAD

On May 03, 2015 at 6:45 am, a resident of NJ witnessed what she thought was a scene out of a superhero movie. A woman with an unusual or typical superhero disguise arrived at the scene of a potential car accident. It has been reported that this disguised woman was once the Princess of Whales, Diana Spencer. That’s right, the princess is back! She is back stronger than ever! According to the witness Princess Diana saved the lives of the people who cheated death. The witness explains that Princess Di flew in from above and lifted the car from the ground to prevent a collision against a wall. The overwhelming yet unbelievable experience left everyone in shock with disbelief. The thought that this woman is Princess Di with capabilities far beyond any human power and the fact that she still lives is mind blowing. This however, does not stop here. 

Recent reports states that on May 08, 2015 at 12:15 am, John F. Kennedy the 35^th president of the United States stopped an assailant from raiding a convenient store. It was said that the assailant was armed with a gun ready to approach the clerk and at the moment Kennedy arrived and removed the gun from the woman’s hands. Kennedy immediately contacted law enforcements to arrest the criminal. The owner of the store expressed how he thought he had gone mad once he recognized that the very hero that saved him was John F. K. to which he was initially pronounced dead in 1963. It appears that this chain of events continues to occur. On May 10, 2015 at approximately 3 pm, a house caught on fire, cause of fire still remains unknown. However, according to witnesses the fire was tamed by a robotic man. Through further investigation, it was revealed that the robotic man was in fact Walt Elias Disney, the creator of Mickey Mouse! Witnesses stated that the robotic man held a gun capable of emitting high concentration of ice and was able to put out the fire. Yet another act of heroism continues to appear from the people who were once thought dead. Does this mean that the citizens of this country will witness more of these acts? Will we see more people of the dead become superheroes? How does America feel about these Vigilantes? The destiny of these Vigilantes lies in the hands of the people of America.   

zombie woman

As  the woman keeps on watching TV everyday getting brainwashed about things you can do or say  since the woman was born and she already had a problem with her eye where she has to wear glasses all the time but that didn't stop her. Even, her mother kept on saying stop watching TV you can lose your eye sight and when you are blind you can get hit by something like a car, bus, truck and other things then die. She never listened to her mother so she kept watching TV being brainwashed. One day she finally died and came back as a zombie to get the people who were telling her all of these things.

Two Aliens Escape Area 51 and Terrorize New York City

There were rumors of two aliens that escaped Area-51 last week according to CNN journalist Anderson Cooper's source. He said the following yesterday afternoon: "My sources tell me, as ridiculous as it sounds, that two Aliens may have escaped Area 51. Sadly I cannot show any proof to validate this, since they are under NDA and wish to keep their identities hidden."

 For a couple days, Cooper was the laughing stock of all of New York and was even bombarded with a variety of memes which followed shortly after his announcement. It was all fun and games until Saturday night when the two aliens invaded New York at 11:49pm. There were three confirmed deaths as well as numerous people (and horses) that went missing.

The first reported death was a person who was walking through the alleyways (assuming to head home since it was already late out). People in the area heard the screams and flesh tearing and quickly notified the police, but by the time they arrived the alien was already gone.

Shortly after, a couple was visiting the city for the first time and asked the witness if they could take a picture of them together. According to the witness, when he took the picture the alien immediately pounced and killed them both. He ran immediately to call for help after finding a safe place to hide. Witness have also reported seeing a flying saucer capturing a few people in the city with a light blue beam. We will keep this article updated once more information becomes available. 

By Kevin Sanchez

Mayweather's Spirit Punch

   

     A strange occurrence has taken place at New Jersey City University. People have been getting punched across the face throughout the campus. Faculty and students have all experienced the strange phenomenon. It all started after the Floyd Mayweather vs Manny Pacquiao fight. A student was at the New Jersey City University library studying when they brought up the fight. Carlos Medina, the first student to experience such an incident, was talking to his friends about Mayweather’s poor performance when he suddenly fell back. “It felt like something just punched me in the face,” Carlos said. “My friends laughed at first until they realized my right cheek was bright red” He continued. No one believed the student at first but the phenomenon continued, not only with Carlos but with the entire student body and staff.

     Professor Loft was said to have also experienced the strange spontaneous punch to the face. While on campus Professor Loft received a phone call from a colleague of his at another school. He had answered the phone and was surprised by a punch to the face after talking about the fight. “It came out of nowhere,” said Professor Loft. “I looked around to see how someone could have possibly have done that but there was no one nearly close enough to have had the ability to punch me in the face. I thought I was going crazy.” He continued.

     The phenomenon is not only striking at the male student body and staff but the women as well. Susan Anderson was on her way to class when she felt a punch to the face causing her to fall onto the floor. Her left cheek was red and hot after the experience. “It was definitely a boxing glove” Susan begins. “My brother has a pair of boxing gloves and we used to play fight before he went off to the army. I know what a boxing glove feels like and that was it.”

     There have been many more reports of the mysterious punch to the face experience from people all over the campus including visitors. The phenomenon is believed to only occur when speaking badly about Floyd Mayweather. “I mentioned the fight again when I went to class,” said Carlos. “A girl mentioned how she doesn’t like hugs because it makes her feel awkward and I said she wouldn’t like dating someone like Mayweather when I felt someone punch me in the face. I thought I was going crazy but the whole class laugh and felt the punch right after me.” Professor Loft states, “I had just told my collogue that I think Pacquiao should have won the fight considering Mayweather wasn’t even trying to swing when I felt the punch to the face.” The phenomenon is said to have been named “Mayweather’s spirit punch.” People throughout campus have stopped talking about the fight overall after such an experience. “I don’t talk badly about anyone anymore,” said Susan. “I don’t want anything like this to ever happen to me again.”

A Pianist Taking Over The World

Count Basie Prototype

Count Basie and Dracula

The government found hidden images leaked inside Count Basie's old resident before he was confirmed dead. Images which may be of Count Basie himself or a prototype of him was leaked in the database. Count Basie is in his early stage of robotic development in photo. A few witnesses have seen the prototype Count Basie wondering in Liberty State Park on May 15th, 2015; when this photo was uploaded onto a hard drive on the same day may 15th, but in the year 1962. A second photo of him was found on the same day the first image was discovered. Count Basie is affiliated with Dracula, and has been confirmed by witnesses that them two were around together on 2015. One witness said "I was attempting to pull out my camera and get a shot of this strange event, and as I reached into my pocket, Count Basie throws a smoke grenade, well.. not actually throws it. but spits out a smoke grenade from his mouth and quickly disappeared with his friend." Investigation is still going on to discover what plans the prototype Count Basie and Dracula have.

Special troops have evacuated all pedestrians to exit the park immediately. As troops searched around the park. the only strange thing they have discovered was a Police Phone Booth Box. Several Troops, more than which can fit the capacity in one phone booth have entered the phone booth and no troops have opened the door to come out. All information is exclusively classified to the troops at this moment, but scientists and special investigators claims that this strange phone booth happens to be a time machine used by the prototype Count Basie and Dracula. Time travel specialist, Doctor Michael Wayne claims that, if this master mind plan of Count Basie is stopped in the past using the time machine, this event will not occur today thus, it would alter the present. What Wayne means by this observation, is that if the troops stop Count Basie, you will not see this on the paper tomorrow.

NYC GETS DESTROYED BY BLACK HOLE ONLY A JEDI CAN HELP

Breaking News!!! Rumbling is heard all over the entire New York City. What started out as a peaceful day quickly turned into mayhem as the clouds got super dark. We can't really tell what is going on at  this exact moment. The news station is shaken up and it appears to be a tornado. Wait this isn't no ordinary tornado it appears to be much worse. Little tiny pieces of silver are in the mixture of the gigantic odd shape. 

 

We just got word over the intercom that this is a giant black hole. Its looking bad the city is falling apart at a rapid pace. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!, the reporter is heard screaming and a loud thud is heard. Total choas is being shown in the city. Are you still there reporter? The reporter is about eight feet tall and has to get taken out by a stretcher. He is in critical condition. A firefighter is trying to rescue him from this massive black hole but nothing is really working. I’m not evening sure if the gas mask is doing the patient much help. Not to mention this brave fighter is wearing a helmet. Like that is really going to do him much good. What a brave poor soul. Another human being is in an extremely panicked state as he covers his head like an ostrich. A car has flipped over blocking the rest of the traffic in New York City. To add insult to injury a tourist is taking a picture of the activy as it unfolds. If the black hole wasn't pissed off enough already this angered the black hole. This led to the tourist being held 20 feet in the air dangling against his will.

Yoda sees New York City getting destroyed by the black hole and he has had enough. Yoda teleports into New York and it is a stare down between Yoda and the black hole. Yoda is throwing everything he has at the black hole but nothing seems to be working. This frightens the citizens even more because they feel the great Yoda wont be able to defeat this giant black hole. Yoda senses the disbelief in the citizens and this angers him. Yoda now uses his deadliest move called the Jedi mind trick. The black hole is confused by this weird tatic and is still trying to fight Yoda's powers. At first the Jedi mind trick doesn't appear to be working. This doesnt stop Yoda and he realizes he has to do something more drastic. Yoda now puts the citizens of New York under his spell and they are able to share his power to use against the giant black hole. With all these Jedi mind tricks being used the giant black hole starts to give in. The giant black hole is no longer a threat to the citizens of New York and it is barely noticeable as it now floats over Yoda's body. The people in New York are still injured from the attack of the black hole, but the good news is New York has been saved thanks to Yoda sharing his gift with the people of New York. Now that everything is back to normal Yoda uses the Jedi mind trick one last time so that the people in New York won't remember he let them use his power. Yoda does this because he knows if his power gets in the wrong hands the universe will be doomed. Now that the mayhem is over the tourist is placed back in the middle of the street. He is shakened up pretty bad just like every one else in the city and will be seeking therapy on a day to day basis.

Chan Lee Final

Spiderman in losing his mind

“It was the most horrible scene I have ever seen in my life. It was on May 25. I was walking through 25^th street to meet my friend at Times Square. While passing by Paramount building, 

I saw Spiderman climbing the building with a weapon. I don’t know exact name of the weapon. Yet, it was like a kind of bazooka which is used to destroy big buildings. I was surprised to see him at the heart of Manhattan. But, at the same time, I was happy to see him in person. I shouted him loudly in the hope that he said hello to me. But, suddenly he yelled at me and threw beer bottle over me. I got hit by him. And then he was trying to shot me with his weapon. So, I shouted anybody nearby me. And then, he moved to other buildings by using his web. After few minutes, NYPD arrived but it was too late to arrest him.” Said Chan Lee who is an only witness of this event. According to FBI, they assumed that Spiderman and his girlfriend broke up and he was drunk at that time. Not only that, he got dumped by his girlfriend in that he tried to cheat on her. He got caught hitting on Ariana Grande at club Pacha. After few minutes, he aimed at Empire State building and triggered the bazooka to the building. The building was destroyed in few seconds and people were screaming. Few people were trying to get out of the building. All NYPD in NY came to arrest him. Despite a myriad of cops, they had no ways to capture him. And He moved on the top of Rockefeller building. According to NYPD, it will seemingly take few days more to persuade him. 

Star Wars: Return of the Gym

This is a message from a galaxy far far away. The sith lord, Darth Vader had issued an important announcement early this morning. He announce an order to remodel the entire death star to open up his new fitness center call "Vader's Gym." currently opening for a few selected people as reconstructions is still in progress. Services range from regular fitness to special classes for those who are force sensitive willing to learn the ways of the force.

         Certain Creatures from Planet Xeonas have arrived to the town of Union City, after the town's mayor election. These creatures are terrorizing citizens and entering stores and restaurants, scaring off customers. Policemen are over all the town, making sure the citizens are safe and unharmed.  Some policemen have fled to other towns because of fear, after watching these beasts terrorize the town's people.  The FBI are investigating the appearance of these unearthly creatures, and even the CIA is helping us solve this huge problem. A News Reporter asked a citizen who was able to communicate with these creatures and ask them why they are here in Earth. "These creatures come in peace, they are just finding a gem that accidentally fell in this town, they mean no harm." said Max Lucas, a gradate from Harvard University who currently works in Ultimate Skies Corporation, a corporation that involves and works with aerospace and the NASA.  

The hudson river and its port have shut down because exotic birds from this so called Planet Xeonas have roamed the skies. These birds produced such a loud sound that people that live near the port and the river had to evacuate from their homes and families. Nobody has ever expected this to happen to such a quiet and mellow neighborhood like the town of Union City.

Citizens have fleed to other towns and nearby states because they can't withstand the chaos these creatures are doing upon the community.  The UN have decided to help and bring army men to the town in oder to protect and make sure everyone is safe. The Unites States marines and the Navy have swarmed the town to help solve the problem. It seems like this so called gem was very valuable to these creatures. "This gem must be of high importance and value to these creatures because more and more creatures are arriving this town, which can create a huge disturbance, if it's not found" said Matthew Pollock, a United Marine. The whole nation is devastated by this situation and a solution must be found quick before these creatures start to harm anyone.

Aliens Crack the Secret to Male Pregnancy

It all began when extraterrestrial beings visited our planet last year. They claimed to hold the secrets to countless advances in the medical field, and one was especially interesting -- the secret to male pregnancy. The visitors from outer space claimed that they didn't want to harm us, but instead to help us further our species, and to help they shared their secrets to allow males to become pregnant.

As a show of good faith the aliens bought the abandoned hospital in East Brunswick, NJ and turned it into a clinic where they would perform miracles for the human race. Needless to say, at first everyone was skeptical, but when they began to see that the aliens really did want to help, the East Brunswick Mayor and City Councilmen rallied to prepare for the grand opening of the new clinic.

The ribbon cutting ceremony featuring the mayor and head doctor. 

After the ceremony, male couples began flooding into the clinic to began the process. "My partner and I have always wanted to have a baby, but we weren't sure about adoption. This clinic changed our lives," said Rob, 34, of Jersey City, NJ. 

Doctor meets with patient to begin the process of male pregnancy. 

Little is known about how the process itself or how the aliens have succeeded in their attempt to bring happiness to millions of men around the world, but one thing that we do know is that the success rate is at an all time high, and the human race is flourishing again. Our outer space neighbors aren't going anywhere, and judging from the amount of men fulfilling their dreams of having a baby, we'd hope that they stick around a long time. With how quickly their knowledge has advanced medical research, who knows what major barrier they'll break down next. 

A new father looks at his newborn twins for the first time after delivery. 

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