Mutant Wrestler Hot Dog Fiending Freak Out Terrorizes Live Television Audience and Local Diner!

Article by Duno Whatamduin - The Omega Times
May 6th, 2013

Wrestling fans and channel surfers alike were left aghast at the apparent mutant transformation and violent psychotic outburst suffered by merchandise selling machine and current WWE champion, John Cena. His advanced psychosis and clearly visible physical mutation occurred on an episode of WWE's flagship show, Monday Night Raw, when a hot dog vendor was unceremoniously tackled and beaten unconscious by a voracious Cena in the middle of a match. Without warning, he began to eat the entire contents of the vendor's cart and then proceeded to drink the hot dog flavored water.

Mutant Cena shocked many in attendance

However, the madness didn't stop there as Cena, flanked by a mobile WWE camera crew, left the Izod Center, in East Rutherford NJ and began a nights long quest to secure MORE HOT DOGS! 
His hunt lead him to the local Candlewyck Diner, who promptly refused him service because of the absence of his shirt. Despite the initial refusal, they caved to his demands when he began to convulse uncontrollably and twisted his face into unimaginable horrors, threatening to lick both the patrons and employees of the Diner to death. "He walked in looking like he might be on the verge of exploding if he didn't get a damn hot dog!" said one shaken customer.

A physically drained Cena eyes the driving force behind his rampage

Cena's night of yelling, threatening to enact genocide by licking and violent bodily contortion ended in the women's bathroom of the Candlewyck as he was eventually confronted and brought to justice by the entire East Rutherford Police Force and roughly 8 tasers.

"More Hot dogs or the licking begins!" screamed an enraged Cena,

right before he was brought down by five thousand volts of electricity.

Former opponent and in ring rival Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson defended Cena's love for hot dogs, claiming that he too had an affinity for America's favorite mystery meat sausages. "The Rock loves him a good hot dog! It's a testament to the dedication of both John Cena and myself to stay in this kind of shape while eating so horribly" said a wily Mr. Johnson. He scoffed at the allegations that any methods other than hard work and hot dogs were used to build such an impressive physique. "I owe my success as a former 8 time WWE champion to hot dogs and lots of clanging and banging in the gym! Oh, by the way... Hot Dog... trending world wide!" exclaimed The Rock. Many attribute Johnson and Cena's rivalry and dislike for one another to the constant bickering of who would be first in line for hot dogs. This is still unconfirmed at this time.

The Rock eats his fill

Cena made bail and was released into the custody of a man dressed in a Oscar Mayer Wiener costume. He had no comment on his violent outburst, but remained in a somewhat docile state. Despite the aforementioned incident, WWE chairman Vincent Kennedy McMahon told The Omega Times that Mr. Cena would not be stripped of his WWE title and that he encourages these outbursts within the confines of a WWE ring. McMahon's lawyers are already looking into a legal clause that would enable him to pay Cena in hot dogs. More on this story as it develops.