"NJCU means Monkey Business"

"NJCU means Monkey Business" 
Article by Mighty Joe, Donkey Kong Network

As of April 2013, New Jersey City University has agreed to work with monkeys that scientist believe are "smarter than your average ape". These mammals that share similar traits to humans, have the opportunity to work with NJCU top professors and stellar equipments. Reasons were made unclear by Let's Go Ape Corporation, the company that has been funding these experiments. "We believe the mind is expandable" Steve Williams, public relations of Let's Go Ape Corporation. "We feel if apes can excel here, then the sky's the limit." 

This photo captures a monkey raising his hand to ask a question believe it or not. "Their dream projects had some hairy situations," Mr. X. a long time professor at NJCU stated.  "Situations that made the apes go bananas". Mr X. is able to analyze their dreams however its uncertain how the communication works. 

Senior scientist had this to say about the monkeys outside the classrooms: "Ape will be apes, it is hard to get their attention at times." These freshmen ape were being trained and rewarded with treats and nap time. "Once they get a break, they feel the class is over for the day"

This photo captures the monkeys experiencing hands on..and feet, in the studio. The actress you see on the chair has starred in movies like When Harry meets Hairy, Apes in Black, and co-starred in The Iron Ape which was nominated for best picture. "Putting the lights up has never been easier,"  Mr. T explains. His latest protege, Simon is becoming a lighting expert as he swings from one light to the next. 

Human students think with the new ape students, they are able to slack off. "I haven't done anything in my Video One course," says Kevin Braun. "The professor told me I'm getting a "C". NJCU currently have the classes segregated for the safety of the human students but are willing to try a seminar program that is open to all.

So far reports indicate there hasn't been any incidents throughout the experiments. Just hours of cleaning up the "mess" left in the bathrooms. 

- Donkey Kong Network's Mighty Joe (May/03/13)